Tuesday, May 8, 2012

A Chip off the Ol Tooth

I had a hell of a weekend. Not the "I got super drunk and partied like a fucking rockstar" weekend, but the kind of weekend that left me with a sprained wrist, a chipped tooth and the nerves of a wild rabbit.

We have a new manager at work who is just a sweet as can be but good lord he can't focus or multitask and calls my name EVERY THREE SECONDS to ask me a question about something which he gets paid to know the answer. It drives me insane. Plus, the new schedules were put up and I'm working the next three Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. That will make 13 weekends in a row that I have to work straight through. Obviously I was in a wonderful mood. Saturday was full of just as many "Have you done this yet? I have a lot to do. Is this done yet? Blah blah question question question" which drives me insane because the only thing he has to do is stand at the register while I do literally everything else. My nerves were completely shot by Sunday morning. Leading up to the last hour at work, every time I heard anything that resembled my name, I got a pang of anger and irritation. I finally told my coworkers I was going to smoke, and if the manager was looking for me to tell him I was pooping.

When I finally got off work and got home, I had a whole bunch of stuff to carry because I was starving since I didn't get to eat at work. Since I was holding my keys, my purse, two bags and a cup I decided to hold the cup in my teeth for like, .03 seconds so I could open the door. As soon as I clamped my teeth I heard "click" and felt a chunk of my tooth fall into my mouth. At 6:30 on a Sunday morning.

I felt like Lloyd Christmas. Also, pay no attention to the chipped top tooth that actually looks like Lloyd's. 
Sunday night my boyfriend and I were play arguing and I told him to get out of my bed by pushing him until he almost fell. When he pulled himself back up, I didn't move my hand in time and his whole 250lb body landed on my wrist, which twisted and sprained. While play wrestling he somehow jabbed his ankle into the small of my back and I'm pretty sure he cracked a rib, which he didn't do but it felt like it and I have the right to be dramatic after my horrific dental catastrophe and sprained wrist. 

As I read back over that paragraph, it seems that my boyfriend beats me but he totally doesn't because he knows he'd die. 

Monday morning my dentist squeezed me in so he could fix my chipped tooth. It went down without a hitch until I had to talk to the dental hygienist afterwards. She was all, "Ok you have the most disgusting mouth I've ever seen. You have to get that cavity filled or you will have a root canal and dude, if you don't start flossing all your teeth are gonna fall out and you'll never be able to eat butterfingers again, but you probably shouldn't since you're fat anyway." Ok she wasn't quite that dramatic but I'm sure that's the kinda shit she was thinking because she was looking at my mouth like it was full of a colony of hobos. 
Perfectly fixed tooth...no hobos
I guess my weekend doesn't seem so bad to someone on the outside looking in, but I am terrified to eat anything because I know I'll have to brush and floss after every bite so my teeth don't fall out, so that sucks...but I might lose weight. 

Which is another thing I forgot...to continue dieting. The only photo I have of myself that was taken this month is the horrendous photo that my super photographer of a boyfriend took of me and a giraffe. That was sarcasm..he has no clue how to take pictures. He didn't even use Instagram. 
Pay no attention to my ill fitting clothes and look at that bad ass giraffe
So yeah...I can feel that my body is changing, but the number on the scale is still being a bitch. This picture certainly disputes the fact that I'm losing weight, but I assure you I am. 

How was your weekend? 


  1. You are so friggin funny!! I hated going to the dentist, too. Until I had to have rout canals; that taught me a lesson. I have never had a cavity in my life. I floss daily, but I hate to go to the dentist. I do it now! But you are young;you have plenty of time to learn life's lessons the hard way...Are you sure you aren't in denial about being physically abused??? :)

  2. Okay, not rout canals, root canals.It was such a traumatic event, I can't even spell it. Trust me. Lisa..

  3. I love this. "colony of hobos" to describe teeth. You a the master of blogs. So witty. Sorry about your tooth tho.

  4. I hate going to the dentist.....HATE. I would rather gouge my eyeballs out with a fork.

  5. i had a weekend just like urs but surrounded by a bunch of bad ass kids lol an a grouchy ass old man married life u gota love it an did nt even get any thing for mothers day from anyone sooo nice cant u tell but im supposely the bitch ya rt i have lots of reasons to complain but i just keep the shit to my self it doesnt do any good to say any thing cause im allways wrong even if im really not