Tuesday, May 28, 2013

All Growed Up

We have finally gotten settled into our apartment! We have cable and Internet, and a computer desk. It looks like a real home. Pictures on the wall, shelves, and knick knacks. Or is it nick knacks? They both look wrong...but oh so right on MY shelves.

Remember back in my last post when I said I was in the process of recovering an old bench? Voila! It looks pretty amazing to me, especially since I've had no experience in DIY crafts since I was in 6th grade the first time and sewed a hot pink pillow shaped like a foot.

I don't know what happened, but I've turned into a total homemaker, yet still work full time. More on that later. 

Since we've moved in, I've been doing a lot of cooking. Take a second to catch your breath, cause if you know me at all, you know I've never cooked. I've been cooking real meals, like, not from a box. Except mashed potatoes because I don't have a mixer and I'll be damned if I'm mashing potatoes by hand! And macaroni and cheese, cause if Kraft ain't broken there is no reason to buy another kind or something like that. I'm not good with ancient Proverbs.

I've made a homemade pot pie. Like, I made it by myself, with no recipe or instructions, except for some quick Googling ingredients.

This was my third time making it and I totally forgot the carrots. I did NOT forget the little green rabbit turds people refer to as "peas." They are the devil

I also made a homemade pizza, almost completely from scratch. I bought a pouch of dough powder that I had to add water to, but I still had to let it rise and shape it and all that stuff, which sucked and someone obviously lied when they said I was Italian cause it took forever. I even sliced the pepperoni myself. Also sucked. But I did get it to be a perfectly round 12' pizza and it was delicious, so I did something right.

I don't get to cook as much as I'd like to because my work schedule has changed. It's bittersweet really. I've been dying to get off the overnight shift for a long time. Then, one of our genius managers decided to quit and I took her spot on mid shift and 2nd shift. It's just hard to cook a real meal when I have to be at work at 3:30 in the afternoon. 

I'm pretty happy with the way work is going, except for being passed up for a promotion. But the way I see it, everything will work itself out. Those who don't deserve a position of power will abuse it and tear themselves down. Until then, I'll be happy working my morning and evening shifts. 

One more thing...I turned 25 this month. Which, Jessica Simpson says "Is almost middle age." It feels like it. One of the reasons I didn't want to work 3rd shift anymore is because it was taking such a toll on my body. I admit, I was kinda bummed when I thought about the fact that I'm still not married, have no kids, and my career isn't exactly where I wanted it to be by now, but I'm pretty sure I'ts because I was PMSing, so I forgot about it and raided the Frito Lay racks. 

I realized, my life doesn't suck at all. I'm happy, not wanting for anything, and still young enough that I didn't die the day after I went drinking for my birthday. I have made healthier decisions when it comes to eating in, instead of spending $100 a week eating out. I still haven't smoked, and have finally convinced Justin to try to quit. I've realized, I'll never have shit figured out and life will never go as expected. Realized I gotta just go with the flow. Fuck. I'm a grown up. 

Apparently 25 is the year I become a grown up. Finally. 

Monday, April 22, 2013

To 100, and Beyond! But I totally almost typed "Beyonce"

Today's post is a special post.

First, it's my first post since January, but for good reason...

It is my 100th blog post!

I  have big news too!

This guy and I have gotten an apartment of our own and moved in together.
Our huge living room

Dining room. I'm in the process of re-covering a bench to use  as a seat instead of the one un-matching chair
Also, remember all that long, glorious hair I had? 

 Well, it's all (mostly) gone!

It's taken me a billion years to write this post because my beloved Frankenstein (my laptop) has finally died and there is no fixing him. Although I've had access to the outside world via Internet, I haven't had a reason to blog. I didn't keep up with the weight loss posts because, well, I've gained all the weight back. I guess I've only gained around 10lbs back, but that's all I really lost. I haven't been to the gym in I have NO idea how long. 

But...the main reason I gained all the weight back? I quit smoking on January 15th, 2013. We had a meeting at work, and afterwards I smoked the last cigarette in my pack and told a fellow manager "This is it. I'm done smoking." And haven't picked up a cigarette since. 

I used an electronic cigarette for the first week, but it sucked so I stopped. I can't say its been easy. I lived in a house of 5 smokers, Justin smokes, his mom smokes, my cousins, coworkers, friends...all smoke. Even typing this I'm getting a huge hankering for a delicious tar stick, but I know it will kill me, and the damage I've done is already irreversible. I keep wanting to smoke, but not bad enough to actually do it. 

The reason I blame not smoking on my weight gain? Replacement cravings. My body has to crave something in place of the nicotine...so it craves sugar. Chocolate, cookies, candy, cake...if it contains massive amounts of sugar, my body has to have it. Right now? I'm drinking a large espresso, syrup, ice cream base and chocolate drink. Known as a frozen mocha, or Frappuccino if you go to Starbucks, but whatever it came from Sheetz and why does that even matter? The point is, sugar and caffeine have become my vices. 

I'm glad I finally have something to write about, as I know you were all compulsively checking my Facebook and Twitter to make sure you didn't miss anything. I plan to write a new post soon about either my success or utter failure at re-covering an old bench seat. 

As soon as we get settled in and I have Internet access, I'll try to be more regular in my posting! 

Until next time, drop me a line on Twitter, friend me on Facebook, follow me on Pinterest and re-read all my old posts so you never forget I used to be funny and a semi good blogger! 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Bring it On

OK here's the thing...I am a shitty blogger.

I haven't posted in months. Before that, all my posts were crap. I have nothing to write about. I could write about work, but that's not really gonna interest anyone. So, I've decided that even if no one gives half a shit about what I'm writing because its not interesting, I'm gonna do it anyway.

The year is 2013. Where the hell did 2012 go? I've supposedly been dieting since November of 2011 and it got me nowhere. Now a whole year has gone and what do I have to show for it?

157lbs. When I started this blog in December of 2010, I was around 170lbs. Yeah, its taken a long time, but I'm making progress.

In November my boyfriend and I joined a gym. I was going 3 days a week for the most part. Then my work schedule got changed and I didn't have time to go for an entire week. Once Christmas came around I was working 60 hours a week, 13 days with no day off. The gym was out of the question. Come New Year's day, I got the flu. When I went to the doctor, they weighed me and I weighed 163lbs. It was a pretty crushing blow considering I got down to 158lbs before I missed 3 weeks of working out.

When I had the flu, I didn't eat for 7 days. I didn't do it on purpose, I just couldn't stomach anything. I pretty much ate 1 can of chicken noodle soup and a box of  Ritz Bits crackers over the span of 7 days.

Yesterday, I went to the gym for the first time in over 3 weeks. I could only work out for about 30 minutes, but I made myself step on the scale after I was done. I couldn't believe I was back down to 157lbs. I've never had so much motivation to keep going as I did when I stepped on the scale.

If I can lose almost 10 lbs (I was 166 when we joined the gym) by going to the gym for 1 hour 3 times a week, I can lose these last 20 or so to finally be in a healthy weight range.

I even took another after picture.

August 2012

January 10th, 2013
So, it might not be as extreme as Jennifer Hudson or Jessica Simpson, but I'm not getting paid millions of dollars plus personal trainers and personal chefs. I'm a real person who is working on my own to lose weight, and I think I'm doing a good damn job.
2013 will be the year that I get healthy and stay happy. 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Mama June is NOT a Bad Mom

If you haven't heard of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" you need to stop reading now and spend more time on every site on the Internet. But come back when you are done, because there is a totally great message in this post. I promise.
The TLC show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" has stirred a lot of controversy all over the southern United States. People are very upset that a real life family is shown on TV without being made up and super glitzy a la Kardashian. In fact, the glitzy on the show was their male pet pig...who Alana claimed was gonna be gay cause they were gonna make him a girl pageant pig. When 12 year old Lauren AKA Pumpkin told her he was gonna be gay, Alana proudly stood up for him saying “HE CAN IF HE WANTS TO! YOU CAN’T TELL THAT PIG WHAT TO DO!" Right off the bat, the show is standing up for equal rights...so don't they deserve the same respect?
The dad, Mike "Sugar Bear" works seven days a week in a chalk mine to take care of his family of six. Also, only Alana is his blood daughter. He has absolutely no obligation to the other girls, but calls them his girls and was eagerly awaiting the birth of his first grandchild. Suck it deadbeat dads.
I am sick of seeing all the negative things said about June Shannon. She is not a bad mother.
This woman has not had an easy life. She was a single mother to a toddler AND a newborn at 17 god damn years old. She had 3 kids by the time she was 20. I don't think I could handle one kid now, at 24, much less having three, four years ago. She dropped out of school, got her GED and got her shit together. For the most part.
Recently it has been released that June Shannon was jailed for four days due to unpaid child support she owed for her daughter Anna. FOUR days. She paid the money she owed and all was forgiven. Like your family is perfect? Get over yourselves Internet.
Mama June is often criticized about her looks and weight. She isn't a super model. Get over it. This woman stood on the scale, on National TV and told everyone the number on the scale. When is the last time a celebrity did that? She knows she has "vajiggle jaggle" and multiple chins, yet she is one of the most confident women on TV. She's addressed her appearance in one of the best ways I've ever heard: “Granted, I ain’t the most beautimous out the box, but a little paint on this barn, shine it back to its original condition. Cause it shines up like it’s brand new.
She has projected her confidence onto her children as well. At six years old, Alana has been quoted as saying, "Pretty comes in all sizes."
How can anyone argue with that?
She spends hours and hours a week cleaning, clipping coupons, shopping and preparing Alana for pageants. She was with Anna every step of her pregnancy. Yes, she made mistakes when her children were younger, but I think she's done pretty damn good since then.
She taught her kids to love themselves regardless of what other people, especially the Internet, think. She cooks for her family almost every day. The money the family makes from the show? It has been put into trust funds for the children.
The next time you stand on your soapbox and call this family white trash, remember that real people come from families like this. Guess what? My family isn't perfect. My parents are divorced and my father committed suicide. I can name 10 of my blood related family members who have been in jail. I've had alcoholics and drug addicts in my family. As a matter of fact...the whole reason my family ended up in Virginia is because my great grandfather was running moonshine and wanted to make sure he had an easy escape if shit got hot.
Does that make me a bad person? Would you ever know any of that if I didn't tell you? Does this mean I'm gonna be a bad mother?
Maybe you should spend less time judging Mama June Shannon and more time reevaluating your own self worth if you need to put others down. Wanna borrow a jacket? I heard it's pretty cold up there on your ivory tower.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Are You There God? It's Me, Crystal

I've mentioned multiple times that I am in my mid twenties. Twenty-Four to be exact.

When you think of a 24 year old, do you think of a post college party goer, a just starting their career and drowning in student loans, or a settled down mom/father to be?

I am none of those. I like to sit at home and watch "Pawn Stars" and "Top 20 Most Shocking whatever the hell these idiots are doing in this countdown". I like to focus on my work. My job may be stressful and drive me up the wall, but it's most likely gonna be my career so I might as well work my ass off to rise the ranks as fast as possible. I'm not the kind of person to blow off work to party. The last time I called off work was when my father died, in February.

Every weekend I see girls in their early to mid twenties come in arguing with each other over who is gonna buy the food because they aren't worried about paying rent this month becaue their parents will lend them money, but Oh My God they are like, having so much fun! Woooooo!

I'm an uptight homebody. Not a Woo Girl. Big deal. The one problem this does cause is making friends. Friends don't just show up on my couch. But, they do show up on my computer.

I'm one of those people. One of those who refers to girls as "My friend Ana, the one that lives in Washington." or "My friend Amanda in Florida." I have friends online that I share everything with...from my first kiss with my boyfriend to my period being so heavy I think my uterus is melting. Yet, I have never met these people in person...and who knows if I ever will. I think of people that barely know me as friends. I know the ones I meet online are the ones who will do anything they can to help me through whatever it is I'm going through. When I had my first surgery, gallbladder removal, the one person who stayed up all night with me on the phone was a friend who lived on the complete opposite side of the country. I've never met her and I highly doubt I ever will.

My problem is meeting friends in real life. Where do I pick up chicks? At the library? The gym? The grocery store?

Sure, I work with plenty of women, but I just don't bond with any of them. They are either all about partying, or all about their kids. Then there is me.

I don't have kids, so I can't even force myself to be friends with my kids' friends' moms. I can't go to a mommy and me group without looking like a real weirdo, which lets face it, is already a reason I have trouble finding friends. I'm really weird. No one I know likes to speak in "Family Guy" quotes and memes.

I'm not the party type. I don't like crowded clubs or bars. If I go, I go to the bar on Sunday when they are dead. I like to sit back with a drink or 3 and relax. I don't want to get sloppy cry and embarrass myself drunk, but people my age don't get that. I'd rather "Stumble" than stumble around drunk.

So what the hell do I do? Where do I find friends? Am I stuck with my boyfriend and sister being my only friends for the rest of my life? Who the hell do I make my bridesmaids when I get married?

I feel like Margaret. I feel like I'm going through puberty all over again. Awkward sorta friendships with people I never talk to outside of work are the same as awkward sorta friendships with people I never spoke to outside of middle school.

How do you make friends? Where do you meet them? How do you find common ground?

Actually, if you are reading my blog, you are just as much of a homebody Internet dork like me. In which case, you probably don't have friends but should totally add me to Myspace*, cause that's where I meet all my friends.

*I don't have Myspace. But you can follow my Twitter here.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The One About Everything

It's been forever since I wrote a new post. I guess it's because I've been working on me. I've been taking time to focus on me, my relationship with my boyfriend, and my relationship with my family, without letting the negativity of others bring me down.

I've been trying to eat better than normally...because I've totally not stuck with the whole weight loss thing...which is why there have been no recent pictures. Although, I did walk on my boyfriend's back yesterday and he said I'm way lighter than I was before, so that's good I guess. I bought a sports bra with the intention of working out, but so far the most I've done is walk to the fridge to see if the Popsicles are frozen yet.

After about 20 years of being a nasty nail biter, I've stopped. One day I decided I didn't want to do it anymore, and it's been close to two months since I've done it. I've never seen my hands look so pretty. Of course I always manage to scratch myself somehow whether its a thumb while tying a trash bag or somehow making my nose bleed.

Since I'm growing my nails and they are looking good, I've taken up hand painting nail designs. I can't decide if it's easier than it looks, or totally not as easy.
Expertly painted toenails

Beautifully (not cleaned up) flowers. Also, look how awesomely long my nails are

 I've also taken up making candy flavored liquor. I Googled it to death, and then decided to do it my own way. I bought some high class Aristocrat vodka and poured that shit right on over top of some candy. Actually, I made three different kinds; Cherry Jolly Rancher, Blue Raspberry/Grape Jolly Rancher, and Werther's Original. Yeah, believe it or not, the butterscotch tasted the best...but it was certainly ugly. I even gave some of the cherry flavored vodka away as a gift. I got a cute little bottle from Goodwill and painted it. Yeah, I don't know why I am so artistic all of the sudden, but I'm not fighting it. It keeps me busy.
Also, thanks to Brittany I have become completely obsessed with making monster pictures! I've made like two for myself, one for three of my cousins, my mom, my brother and my sister. Also, if you want one, let me know and I will hook you the fuck up. I can't get enough of making these damn things! Tell me I'm not a sexy ass zombie? I know! It's like, "Oh my God. Is there anything this bitch can't do?"

I also finally gave in to the fad and read the "Fifty Shades" trilogy. Yes I enjoyed it. Yes it was a page turner. And yes, I want another book! There were definitely things I could have done without reading, but E.L. James is a brave, brave woman and I zombie salute her (see above photo).
As you can see, I've been pretty busy sitting in my house, but I've enjoyed getting back in touch with my artistic side. It's been awesome letting my creativity flow through other mediums besides my blog.
Also, I have to blog from *gasp* Internet Explorer because Blogger changed their interface and it won't load on Google Chrome. Yes, Blogger, powered by Google, does not work with Google's web browser. If I wasn't so distraught, I'd laugh at the irony.
What do you do to occupy your time? How do you let your creativity flow? Do you want a monster picture? Let me know down below. (That's what she said)
One last thing: Happy 23rd birthday to my little sister Lucifer LuLu

Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Day I Didn't Get Engaged

This week, I'm on vacation from work, and it has been lovely! Monday, my boyfriend and I set off to Virginia Beach for a two night and 3 day vacation. The whole ride down there it rained. The whole first night it rained. It was about 75 degrees, which meant way too cold to swim in the ocean or the hotel pool. I got in the pool for about 15 minutes and didn't even leave the steps. We went to a seafood buffet and had a nice dinner in an oceanfront restaurant. The first night we walked up and down "Beach Street USA" and went into every shop about three times. There was an awesome fireworks display shot from a boat over the water. It really lit up the water and was just beautiful. We walked down by the frigid water and settled in for the night watching SVU. 

This is my "Beach Street USA" look
The next day it was still too cold to go to the beach, so we tried to take a dip in the pool again. Still too cold. We were in for about ten minutes, and had to go back inside. It just gave us more time to spend together watching Storage Wars and shopping and taking our adorable Old Time photo as Bonnie and Clyde. 
Tell me, how cute are we?

 We planned to go barhopping that night since it was Justin's birthday, but we are so not party people, so we had a couple drinks and walked down by the ocean again. We sat up on a lifeguard tower and just listened to the water and watched the waves. It was so peaceful, beautiful and romantic. After we had our fill, we headed back to the room, and that's where things got intense. No, I don't mean that. Get your mind out of the gutter. 

While walking down the street, hand in hand, Justin suddenly stopped, pulled me to the side of the street and faced me towards him. Then he started digging in his pocket. I know, beautiful, romantic night on the beach, on his birthday when he's feeling all sentimental...OMG he's looking for a ring! 

Negative. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one up. And that's when I started breathing again. For the rest of the night I felt like a giant douche. No woman in their right mind should expect a proposal after only 9 months of dating, but as I've discussed multiple times, I am nowhere near my right mind. 

The next day was hot and sunny. A perfect day to go to the beach! We checked out of the motel and sleepily moseyed on down the the boardwalk and hit up a breakfast buffet before heading to the beach. It was a very lovely day but the water was really rough so it was way too much work trying to stand up in the waves. So, I just settled for dozing on the beach. After a couple hours we packed it all up and headed home...and it was the best vacation I've ever had...even if I didn't leave engaged. 
Perfect beach weather...the day we left

Do you have a funny non-engagement story? Beach story? Vacation story at all? Tell me in the comments!