Thursday, June 16, 2011

Bruno Mars, I hear you loud and clear.

I have a strange relationship with myself. I wouldn't call it a love/hate relationship...but more of  a love/dislike one.

I look in the mirror and think, "Damn I'm getting thin. My thighs aren't too fat, and my waist looks so small!" Then, I'll be walking through a store and look down and see my thighs jiggling cause my shorts are riding up. I'll sit down and notice my stomach roll.

I was promised I didn't have cellulite, but I saw definitive proof via photo.

My hair is gorgeous for about 10 minutes, but the slightest gust of wind and its a huge ball of frizz and curls. Dolly Parton would be jealous.

I have beautiful blue eyes that are my best feature...until I notice the dark circles.

I rarely take full body pictures because I feel like my boobs take up the whole frame.

Its amazing that I can wear a medium uniform shirt at work...then I catch a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface and all I see is stomach and boobs.

I'm fine with my short stature...when I hear laughing from customers because I cant reach fry bags, it makes me a little self conscious.

For every positive thing I see in myself, I find a flaw. I know I'm no different than every other woman on this Earth, but I want to feel pretty more often than I do. The problem? I don't like people to compliment me. I just cant take compliments well.

If someone tells me I did something good at work, I just say "Uh yeah that's cause I'm badass!"
A guy comes into work and tells me I have pretty eyes, I just roll them pretty eyes and sigh.

I often wonder what other people see in me. Do people see my dark circles? Are they looking at me thinking I should be wearing maxi skirts cause I have cellulite? Are the stretch marks on my arms noticeable to other people? I'm constantly worrying about how many people look at me and think I'm a bitch...I totally walk around with my nose in the air. Id like to blame it on 'bitch-face" but I think I'm just naturally a judgey person.

Then there is the part of me that doesn't give a half a fuck about what other people think of me. If they don't like my attitude, they don't have to talk to me. I was not put on this earth to please them aesthetically. If the waist of my shorts are too tight and you can see my jumbo muffin top, fuck it. you don't have to look.

If people don't like my looks, or my self-esteem issues then they can lick the sweatiest part of my asscrack. I am who I am and I love myself (most of the time.)

I am Amazing. I'm pretty sure I was Bruno Mars' inspiration.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." 
-Marilyn Monroe. 


  1. I had no idea you went to Christian camps as a kid. So did I. Hated every single second of it and cried to come home. Those Christian children were mean! God you sound like me, what were the odds of that tire going flat with you sitting in that spot? Those are the types of things that happened to me ...Poor Ashley,,I laughed so hard..