Tuesday, June 7, 2011

This one time...at church camp...

When I was younger I went to a very strict church. If you worked at the church, you had to sign a contract saying you wouldn't wear anything but skirts that came below your knee, culottes, and shirts that covered your collarbone. That contract also states you won't drink, smoke, listen to non-Christian music, or watch anything other than family friendly tv or movies.

Every year I went to Vacation Bible School. I went one year and shared with everyone that I wanted to be a nature photographer when I got older. For some reason, people tormented me endlessly over that.

The next week, I went to a Christian camp with the kids my age. We had to travel about 200 plus miles to get there. We took an old decrepit bus that we used to pick up local kids and take them to church.

Back in those days, I was pretty hefty for a teenager. I was 5'1 and wore a size 16, so I was a little uneasy about my weight. Me and a friend sat in the seat over the tire...you know the ones that have the big hump so you have to ride with your knees bent the WHOLE DAMN RIDE?

About halfway there we got a flat tire...guess which tire it was? Yeah the one my fat ass was sitting over. Great. So now Im known as the fat nature photographer. We stop at a creepy repair shop for like, 2 hours, and its hot as all hell. One of the boys goes into the gas station and gets a jar of pickled pigs feet. For the next hour and a half we are stuck on a bus that smelled like teenage boys and pickled pigs feet. In June. With no air conditioning. It was beautiful.

We finally get to camp where we will be for the next week, in a cabin of 22 girls with no A/C, no tv, no radio, no water pressure, and hot water that lasts for approximately 5 mins for the FIRST girl that showers. I didnt expect camp to be a 5 star resort, but omg this was really rough. All the girls are blow drying their hair, curling it, straightening it, and putting on make up...so they start getting up at SIX AM.

All throughout the week everyone makes fun of me about taking pictures of cool bugs I see. When one of the preachers starts talking about video taping termites, my entire youth group erupts into laughter and points at me, causing the other 15 or so youth groups to stare.

Our second day there, my sister hurts herself. She stepped on one of those plastic crib mattresses that the girls were using to iron their clothes AT FUCKING CAMP. The iron tipped over and burned her ankle leaving a 4 inch scar.

It poured down rain for two days. Our cabin, being at the top of the steepest hill on the property, was nearly impossible to get back to once we left. My sister slips on one of the wooden "steps" and cuts the shit out of her knee. She is scared to tell anyone cause she doesn't want to get in trouble. I feel bad for her, but I cant stop laughing...once again bringing attention to myself.

While at camp I developed a huge crush on one of the boys from my church....being in middle school, I got my good friend to tell him. His response? "Which one is that? The older one?"

Me and my sister are 17 months apart. People still think we are twins. For me to tell him I like him, and he not even know which one I was, it was pretty funny...to everyone else. God these kids were mean.

In one week, I was ridiculed for liking a guy who didnt know who I was, causing a flat tire, and wanting to be a nature photographer.

People wonder why I grew up to be an asshole.

taken by me. I turned out to be a pretty good nature photographer 

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