Friday, September 9, 2011

I'm an Idiot

I may not be Issac fucking Newton, but I like to think I'm a pretty intelligent girl. I have a pretty good vocabulary and decent grammar. I mean I can add and subtract. Hell I can even do multiplication! But there are some things I just don't get.

I don't get why I can't openly speak up and tell some nasty bitch that her purposely letting her nipple hang out is, in fact, disgusting and in no way cute. Really. Why am I the bad guy when I tell her, "Look. We both know your nipple is hanging out far enough that I can see the piercing. We both know you think it's cute. I'm getting nauseated and would greatly appreciate it if you take your whore ass out of my face."?

I don't get why people INSIST on using debit when credit is super fast and it all comes outta the same account. Like seriously, in the 2 minutes it takes you to tell the person on the phone to hold on, put in your pin, hit the enter button, and then put in your correct pin number, I could have helped three more fucking customers.

I don't get men's obsession with boobies. They are lumps of fat filled with milk. They don't obsess over udders...

What is the point of wisdom teeth? They cause you pain and have to be removed, leaving a permanent hole in your mouth. Nine months after removal I'm still picking out tiny little peanut bits after I eat a Snickers.

Like really...Why does hair have to be so many different textures and shit? What's wrong with everyone having straight hair? Perms and curlers are an easy fix. Or everyone having curly and flat ironing it when they want it straight?

Why can't actors/musicians stick to one profession? OK I gotta watch your overacting on the Disney why do I have to hear you sing about how bad your 15 yr old love life is on the commercials? Singers: I liked you when you were in a group. I liked you when you were solo. I do not like you in movies. Also, singing in the movies you star in? Too fucking cliche. (Don't even act like y'all don't watch Disney. Fuck you for judging me.)

I don't get why in the name of pants tv shows and movies cast ADULTS as teenagers. Freddie Prinze Jr, no offense babe cause you're hot and all, but NOBODY believed you were 18 in "She's All That." Michael J. Fox. Really? You REALLY thought you could pass for 17 in "Back to the Future"? Psst you couldn't. Stockard Channing, Olivia Newton John, and Gabrielle Carteris, I wont mention how old you really were while playing 18 years old...but do know you weren't fooling anyone. There are sooooo many more I want to point out but you get the gist of my irritation.

I don't get people who don't understand sales tax! Oh my sweet little infant Jesus. This is not a new thing. Yes, its different in different cities, so I understand how that could be confusing. You've been paying tax on shit your entire life. Why are you just now surprised that your $.99 chips are $1.01 after tax? It really is simple.

There are so many other things I ponder. How did people realize they could eat chicken eggs? How did they realize they could drink milk? Why isn't permanent marker actually permanent? Why do people still not know how to use a turn signal? What does Heaven look like? Will I ever get married and have kids? Why won't my mom just admit I was adopted? (I swear. I'm nothing like anyone in my family. Except me and my siblings all have the exact same face). How did I get a bruise on my fingertip? Why is it a controversy over Chad Bono on "Dancing With The Stars" because of his lifestyle choice, but it's completely acceptable for Carson Kressley and his? How in the fuck was sex invented?

I've got to end this post before my feeble brain explodes. There are so many things I. Just. Don't. Get. No one has explanations. I've Googled the weirdest shit known to man. I'm a very curious person I suppose, but oh my god why cant people just answer my fucking questions?

If you have a logical answer to any of my questions, please let me know in the comments. Do you have anything you constantly wonder about but can't find an answer to?

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