Wednesday, September 7, 2011

You lose. You get nothing. Good day, sir.

I recently read an article discussing politeness and kindness. I was super touched when the writer mentioned cashiers. As I mentioned more times than I'm able to link, I am a cashier and have waited on some of THE rudest people on this Earth. Daily I am called a bitch. I've only gotten into one real argument with a customer. I usually ignore their arguments and name calling by smiling and saying, "Have a good night" over and over again. 

I work for a major convenience store chain. Major. Like there are over 550 stores, none of which are franchised. Our managers, store, district and regional, constantly watch the recorded videos of what happens in the store. We have STRICT policies concerning age verification on restricted sales (alcohol, tobacco and dirty magazines). Most of my issues stem from people having either no ID or an invalid ID trying to purchase alcohol or tobacco.

One night, I had a young guy come in wanted to buy a cigar. He gave me his ID with no problem, but since it was expired I told him it wasn't a valid for of ID to purchase tobacco. He accepted it and his friend showed me his ID. I told him I couldn't take it and recited the store policy on third party sales. He gets pissed and threatens to go to our competitor. I smiled and told him where the closest one was located. Being badass 19 year old dudes, they decided to piss me off. One was like, "Oh don't even worry about it man. She only works as a cashier. She ain't nobody." Commence 'Crystal freak the fuck out mode' inside my head. I bit my tongue and ignored it. Then the other one started in with the "Why don't you get a real job you fat bitch? How does $7.50 an hour sound?" I'm all, "Uh like way less than I make. I may only work at a gas station, but I still have my job and you don't have your cigar. Have a good night."

After these kids insult me, one of them has the fucking balls to ask me for change for a $20 bill. I laughed in his face and told him I wasn't giving him shit and to get out of my store. He was like, "Nah yo I'm buying this drink so I am getting change. HAHAH." Once again, I said, "You aren't getting shit. I'm not ringing you up. You are leaving my store." He tries to pull the ignorant, "You can't deny me service just because I'm black!" Commence 'Crystal freak the fuck out mode' verbally. "I'M NOT DENYING YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE BLACK! I'M DENYING YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE AN IGNORANT JERK! GET OUT OF MY STORE!" 

At this point I'm yelling at the security guard, "Dude, get him outta here. It doesn't matter why. Ill explain later just get him out of the store. I'm not kidding. GET HIM OUT OF THIS GOD DAMN STORE!!!!" 

Officer Useless McUseless, mayor of McUselessburg doesn't do shit. The guys are still running their mouth and I am all but frothing at the fucking mouth. One of them says, "Talk to me when you get a real job bitch." I completely lose it. I screamed at the top of my lungs, "GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY GOD DAMN STORE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!" People were starting to stare. I start to go get the manager, who was super busy and previously unaware that I was merely seconds away from beating the ever living dog shit outta this guy, but she was on her way to the register cause she heard me scream. I tell her, "I'm not ringing that mother fucker up for anything. I'm NOT RINGING HIM UP! I want him OUT of this god damn store!"

She asked him what the problem was, and he was like, "I don't know. She's just being a bitch. She needs to be fired." She had no idea what happened, so she charged him for his drink and gave him change. 

They finally left the store, and I had to sit in the back and literally cry for a minute. Those little assholes were the only customers who have ever made me so fucking angry I had to cry. I really don't think the little douchebags knew how close they were to me using their ballsacks as speedbags. 

My point is...I am a cashier and I prepare your food. I will make sure something really disgusting happens to your food, and I have the power to have the police search your car if I suspect you have weed. So, unless you want diarrhea the entire time you are in jail, do not fuck with me. 


  1. See, I envy your ability to tell them off. Me? I would have sat there and taken it, even going so far as to pay for their drink for them. I hate that about me. Kudos to you, ma'am.

  2. @worldslastsingleguy Ha I am certainly "outspoken" to say the least. Cursing in front of a customer is right up there with stabbing them...strictly forbidden. Cursing AT a customer is equivalent to punching a newborn. I'll get the "workplace death sentence"