Friday, December 24, 2010

Twas the Night Before Christmas...

And all through the house, not a creature was stirring, cause we got shit done early. Mommy dearest is at work, sister is sleeping before work, and brother is begging me to use my computer, which i delightfully decline by saying, "nnnnooooggggnnnn, imm usingth it" Remember, this is day two after my wisdom tooth removal.

I have good news and bad news regarding my recovery...
Good News: 
~I no longer have a double chin (since my entire jaw is swollen to that the size of Quagmire's) 
Bad News:
~I look like an idiot with two bags of ice wrapped up in tank tops just sitting on my shoulders. 

I kinda feel like a selfish bitch right now. I'm complaining about how bad my face hurts cause I had teeth removed...yet I'm not showing any real consideration for those who have real problems this holiday season.

My problems:

  • My face hurts 
  • i cant hold the ice steady, so it slides off my shoulders while i type. 
  • my hair will look greasy in pictures tomorrow morning cause I don't feel like showering. 
Now, of course these are legit concerns, for a selfish asshole as myself, but what about children who only wish their mommy or daddy would come home from overseas for Christmas? Do you feel bad now? My guilt trip worked and now I'm not alone.

Back to me.

Why are they called "wisdom teeth?" If they gave me any wisdom whatsoever, I would have known better than to have them taken out THREE DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!! It was only a minor ache before...and now I'm in a lot of pain...complaining to those of you who somehow got roped into reading my boring brain matter on a web page....where was I going with that? New thought!

how can i be using the same shirts, with the same amount of ice, and the coldness not be equal?? I'm gonna blame hot manager for that...gonna say he bagged the ice wrong.

They keep talking about hamburgers on TV...i don't eat much red meat, but after 2 days of spaghetti rings and pudding, i would prolly shoot Santa Clause himself if it meant i could get a fucking whopper. Now, at 10pm on Christmas Eve, where the hell am I gonna get food that I can just suck down my throat? When I can finally eat, I'm going to gain about 70 lbs in the first week, cause I'm eating nothing but deep fried mac and cheese, and mozzarella sticks.

Tomorrow, mother dearest is gonna make "Christmas breakfast" which for me, consists of water, and mashed  home-style potatoes. OHHHH!!!! I'm gonna make me a baked potato!!

How long do baked potatoes take in the microwave? I need to master the culinary arts better than throwing spaghetti rings in the microwave for 1 minute and 30 seconds. I'm going to make a baked potato, and I'm going to slather it in so much butter and pepper it wont be recognizable as a potato.

Is that my mouth watering, or is it still oozing? Hey! Just thought of more good news! I don't have dried blood stuck to my lips anymore...of course it was ever present when hot manager was here...

I'm going to scarf down a potato'll take me an hour, but hell, its worth it! This is my last post of the night, but fret not, I'm sure ill be back to complain about something tomorrow.

Merry Christmas to All, and to all, go enjoy your delicious food you fat asses. Don't worry, ill be here eating my chocolate pudding and baked potato.

UPDATE: My microwave has a potato button on it. However, that still didnt help my culinary skills, as the potato pretty much sucked

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