Friday, March 4, 2011

Dear Male Customer,

Dear Male Customer,
It is my job to smile at you. In fact, If I don't, I could be written up and fired. I'm smiling because I have to, not because I wanna come home with you and your friends, not because I'm "tryna get all up on dat" and not because I like you. Yes I do have pretty eyes. Thank you for noticing, but pointing that out will still not get me to come home with you and no you cant have my number. No I don't want yours, and no I won't add you to Facebook.

When I say, "anything else I can get you?" That is not an invitation for sex. I make small talk while you slowly dig out your money. It doesnt mean I want to talk to you on the phone, text you, email you, IM you, write you a letter or send you a fucking smoke signal. I HAVE to be nice to you.

If you ask me if I have a boyfriend, I will say yes. I don't say it to be mean; I say it because I have 6 other customers in line and you are holding everyone the fuck up. Sometimes, if I can tell beforehand that you are going to hit on me, I will switch my ring to my left hand and turn it around to look like a wedding band. I will make up a story about how long I've been married and how many kids I have.

I am here to serve you food, ring up your items and be pleasant, so please do not make my job harder.

                                                                            You're Friendly Female Convenience Store Employee 

PS: If you really piss me off, I'll tell you I'm a lesbian 


  1. And here I was, thinking it was really odd how all the lesbians tended to work in convenience stores...

  2. Its the go to excuse! I once had a guy ask me for my number, and when I told him no hes like, "Its cause you dont like black guys?" That pissed me off so I told him I didnt like any guys