Monday, April 25, 2011

6 Genie Bras for $59.99?!?!


Some love them...some hate them. Everyone has seen them.

Today, class, we are going to discuss different products as seen on infomercials. First, we are gonna start with the ones I've tried.

Easy Fit Extenders: These are buttons that you snap onto your pants to extend or shrink the waist as your weight fluctuates. Ok, so I didnt try the actual Easy Fit Extenders brand, I got some from the dollar store, but they look exactly the same. You snap them on like you would a brooch. I used them to tighten the waist of my work pants.They were terrible. The button separated from the back while I was working, leaving my already too big pants completely undone. My rating: Unsatisfied. If you like showing coworkers, classmates or anyone within a 20 foot distance your underwear, these are for you! 

Strap Perfect: These are made to slide onto your bra straps to convert your bra into a racer back. They are meant to add lift, cleavage and hide bra straps. Once again, I got mine from the dollar store instead of ordering them off TV. These actually weren't too bad. They are pretty difficult to put on since you have to reach behind your back to do it. They definitely give you lift and cleavage, but they arent very sturdy or comfortable. They also gave me back fat. I wore mine for a couple hours, and once it actually snapped out of place. I had a weird bulge in the middle of the straps, so I kinda looked like Quasimoto. My rating: Meh. If you like the hunchback look its ok. If you would rather breathe than have your tits lifted to your throat, pass on them. 

Ped Egg: A ped egg is a foot razor. It scrapes the dead skin off your feet. This surprisingly does work and does make your feet feel smoother. The downside? All the dead skin shavings collect in the cap and when you open it they spill everywhere. My rating: Pretty good if you have a trashcan handy and arent allergic to dead skin will inevitably inhale them. 

Smooth Away: This is some kind of very fine like pumice stone or some shit. Its supposed to pull the hair from your legs, arm pits and even upper lip. All it feels like is you are rubbing plastic on your legs, and the hair stays in place. My rating: Complete waste of money. Do yourself a favor and rub a Dr. Pepper bottle on your legs...its cheaper and has the same effect. 

Bare Minerals make-up: Ok, once again I bought a knock off version...I bought the Maybelline brand off Amazon. I got it on a good deal so I cant really say its a waste of money, but I can say it doesnt work exactly the way they claim. Its supposed to be all natural and  make your skin smoother, more even and less acne prone while offering complete coverage in a light formula. Negative. It doesnt cover anything...even with concealer, foundation, powder and the mineral veil. It hasnt done anything for my skin either. My rating: The expensive brand may be worth it, but the cheap knock off, not so much. Careful with the mineral veil...unless you like looking like a juggalo or a Victorian whore. 

Ab Coaster: This is a handy piece of work out equipment. I was on it for about 10 minutes and I could definately "feel the burn." The only problem? It was burning my shoulders and upper back. I felt "ab"solutely nothing in my core. Maybe I had too much weight on it? Maybe Im too short to use it? Maybe Im just retarded and was doing it wrong...but my rating: Good to use if they have it in the gym you go to, but dont waste your money. I mean if you like paying for a backache be my guest, but Ill come hit you with a baseball bat for $ save $780!

Clear coat scratch remover: This is a clear liquid that is supposed to remove scratches from any color car. This actually does work. I got it from CVS and we used it to fix the scratches on my cousins car. My rating: Worth the 10 bucks as long as you arent embarrassed to admit someone keyed your car.

Topsy Turvy: Im going old school with this one. This was pretty much a plastic noose that you shove in the top of your pony tail to flip it inside out. You could also make one at home for free with a wire coat hanger. Regardless, it actually worked and was pretty cute. I used to do little half pigtails a la Britney Spears and "turvy" them...then connect them in the back, and add a "topsy." My rating: cute in the 90s and easy to make if you are too cheap to buy one. We should totally bring it back. 

Now we are going to discuss the stuff I havent tried but omg im so tempted.

Genie Bra: This is a bra that is supposed to conform to your shape and support you no matter your chest size. According to commercial testimonies it works...according to online reviews it does not. I dont see how a thin piece of cloth with no wire can possibly support up to triple D cups. I havent tried it, but I havent seen one positive review anywhere, so Im gonna go ahead and rate it unworthy of my money. Ill just get a ribbon and tie it around my nipples...seems like it will have the same effect.

Kymaro's New Body Shaper: This thing looks awesome. Its a body shaper that is supposed to smooth out all the lumps and bumps and make you look 20 lbs thinner instantly! They sell these things at Wal Mart for like 30 bucks...Im really considering getting one...I just dont know if I can return it if it doesnt fit...and as Ive mentioned a million times, nothing ever fucking fits! Ive seen semi positive reviews, so I think it may be worth the money...but I dont want to walk around sweating like a whore in church just to get rid of a muffin top. Ya know, the top is the best part of the muffin.

Chic Shaper: For the longest time I wanted this. Its supposed to lift your breasts and support your back...the more I watch the infomercial the more I notice it pretty much just presses your boobs together...while making you shove your tits in everyones face. Im guessing this isnt for big chested women. Most chicks with a DD or above try to tone them down, not make it so they stick out 3 feet. Reviews say they are uncomfortable, but get the job done. I dont think this product is right for me...but seems like it might be good for small chested women who have saggy tits and poor posture.

Infomercials play on people's emotions. Fear of having a fat roll, joy of feeling like you have perky breasts, and excitement/anxiety to see how many you can get for only 2 low payments of $39457.99.

I'll continue to watch infomercials every day and night, but I will stick to buying the products from CVS and Walgreens when they are 1/2 price since most of the shit isnt worth anything.

1 comment:

  1. I am eagerly awaiting your trials of the products you mentioned; specifically, the genie bra..I have really big boobs; I just can't believe this bra could hold 'em up. And the body shaper...I'd love to hear about that, too.