Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Rapture

Hey y'all!

If you are reading this, it means I'm in Heaven after the Rapture and your corrupt asses have been left behind.

Actually, I'm just making fun of people who think they can predict God. He totally said, "Yo, I'm not gonna tell  you when, but I will def take all the believers to Heaven, but don't try to like, guess cause its gonna be a surprise, and those Mayans are stupid."

I have a lot of stuff to accomplish before the end of the world. I want to get married, have children, own my own car and house. Id like to have grand kids one day.

I don't want the end of my world to happen before I stop feeling like a loser. I want to find my calling. Maybe I'm gonna be like Joe Clark and save a school full of riff-raff. I got shit to do in my lifetime.

This came at an interesting time. Ive been reading the "Left Behind" series for the last 6 months and it really makes me think about the end of the world. I wonder what happens during The Rapture.

According to the books, everyone just dissipates into the air...all their clothes and jewelry are just left right where they were standing or sitting, or sleeping. So, does that mean we will just be chillin in Heaven all naked and stuff? Are robes going to appear when are clothes disappear?  I mean, if not, and I'm gonna be walking around nekkid for eternity, I'm gonna have to go to the gym and ya know...tone up...

This means I have to have perfect make up and hair at all times...just in case The Rapture happens...I don't wanna be spend the afterlife looking all disheveled. I gotta be beautiful when I'm kissing up to be Jesus' bestie. He is the last person I want telling me, "girl you look a hot mess."

Wait a minute...isn't Vanity one of the Seven Deadly Sins?

Fuck. I have a lot of work to do.

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