Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sex on the Beach...a PSA

Yesterday I took my first beach trip of the summer. I ended up having to drive three quarters of the way. 30 miles outside of my city and my friend stops at a rest stop, says "Your turn to drive" and jumps in the back seat to go to sleep. I barrel down I-64 East at 80 miles an hour in her huge Ford Explorer and make good time...until we hit the Hampton Roads area.

 About 30 miles from the beach it starts pouring down rain. I dont like to drive in the rain, I dont like bridges, I dont like tunnels...Now I have to deal with all three. As soon as I start going over the bridge that leads to the tunnel, the sky turns black and I cant see shit. So Im driving over a bridge with like zero visibility, over like 19593467934 billion miles of water in a torrential downpour. Im actually relived when we go under the tunnel...which is saying a lot since im shaking violently and my palms are sweating. After the tunnel we have to go another 1/2 mile or so over another part of the bridge...Im driving like 30 miles an hour and people are blowing past me shaking the whole truck.

We finally make it off the bridge, so I can chill a little. After the rain stops, I was totally calm and just going with the flow. Driving, singing to the radio, weaving in and outta traffic.

 I keep driving, and i start to notice that its been a long fucking time since we went through the tunnel, and we should at least be getting close. I remember I havent seen a sign for VA Beach in a while, and oh my fucking god I have been on this bridge before...this is NOT the way to the beach.

I somehow missed my exit, and ended up in an entirely different city, on I-64 WEST. I missed my exit and am now about 20 miles in the opposite direction of where I am supposed to be...fuck

I get off the interstate and stop at the only halfway civilized looking place to ask for directions. Oh just perfect, the guy behind the counter has no idea what Im asking because he barely speaks English. I ask a customer, while trying not to cry, "How the fuck do I get to Virginia Beach?" He gives me what seems to be very simple directions...until I notice he is wrong and I have to find my own way.

We finally get there after like 3 hours. The clouds separate, the sun comes out, and I find a parking spot. Finally things are going well! Found a parking spot directly across from the oceanfront that was easily accessible. The new challenge was gathering change for the meter.

The three of us scraped up enough for 2 hours. I was trying to be slick and buy one piece of saltwater taffy. The girl was like, "You can just have one if you want to try it." I shared with her my scheme of wanting to buy one piece to break a dollar so I could put change in the meter, so she gave me change (which is a Cardinal Sin in VA Beach apparently). This part is kinda unimportant, but I promised her I would mention her.

We laid in the sun, got knocked down my waves (that were as cold as ice), god sand in our girly bits, and sunburned. We had so much fun.

Also, none of us had sex on the beach...but judging by the amount of sand I got in my girly parts from just sitting on the sand, I suggest you drink it rather than have it. That part was a PSA for you.

This picture is my part of Real Swinsuit Confidence. Without those girls I'd have never started a blog or posted this picture.