Friday, July 22, 2011

I'm pretty sure we live in the Devil's asshole

Summer in the South is always hot...but this year is ridiculous. Record breaking temps of over 103 degrees...heat indices of up to 120.

Uhm...we live in Virginia...not the fucking Sahara desert.

I don't think its normal for a girl's forearms to sweat.

The news is telling everyone to keep pets inside, and to do everything you can to stay inside...even if that means missing work and/or school.

We have fucking "pavement failures." That means the fucking roads are buckling because the heat is like melting its surface off or some shit. The glue that holds the pavement to the ground is melting? I don't really know what the hell that means...but its bad and fucking ridiculous.

I straightened my hair in the car...and before I could get it started I had sweat so much it curled up at my forehead. I was wearing a skirt...when I got outta the car, my touching thighs were so sweaty I thought I pissed on myself.

Fuck I'm scared to wear my glasses cause I don't want them to melt. I slide around on my flip flops like a dog on ice.

I'm not built for the heat. Sweaty underarms, sweaty underboobs, and if I feel sweat drip down my ass crack one more time, so help me God I will slap the shit out of someone. The heat makes me bitchy. Well, everything makes me bitchy...but the heat makes me worse.

If one more god damned person comes in work and asks, "Is it hot enough for ya?" while I'm wearing a long sleeve pique shirt, I will rip their head off and shove my fucking foot down their throat.

The cat across the street just had kittens a few weeks ago...and I fear they may have cooked in the sun and became kitty kabobs.

We are supposed to have temperatures of over 100 for the next 3 days with the heat index being around 115.

One day the Devil will release us from his taint, and we'll be able to venture outside. That day better fucking get here knuckles cant handle punching anyone else in the face.

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