Friday, September 30, 2011

My teeth are fashionable

If you follow me on Twitter, you're aware that I've been sick. I'm not deathly ill (I don't think) but I feel like shit. After having a headache for 4 days straight and finding two huge knots on my head, I went to the emergency room.

I had some kind of scratch, or but bite or pimple or something on my scalp that somehow got infected. The infection caused me to have a severe migraine-like headache for four days. Lights and sounds were torture. I worked every night and dealt with the pain, but once I found the second lump, I knew it was time to see a doctor.

The doctor was all nonchalant and was like, "Eww yo. That knot right here is infected. WTF you do? This bump here *presses as hard as possible* is your swollen lymph node. Its trying to fight off the infection. No biggie." He may not have used those exact words...the memory is a little fuzzy right now. Either he is super laid back and didn't want to scare me, or the hospital discharge papers are super dramatic. The paper says, "This is a serious condition. If you experience dizziness immediately return to the emergency department." I was dizzy all day today, but didn't read the paper until it had passed. Whoops.

Like any doctor Ive ever been to, he proscribed me vicodin. They give that shit out like candy around here. Staph infection? Vicodin. Gallstones? Vicodin. Strep throat? Mother fucking Vicodin.

Vicodin makes me itchy. I walk around scratching like Tyrone Biggums. My head, my face, my back, my neck.
How I feel 

 I can barely form rational thoughts. House is all badass when he's popping pills. I'm just an ass. For example, this is a series of text messages from earlier tonight:

Me: Disney's Doug was ugly.
Her: Oh yeah?
Me: His voice was weird and he was skinny or something.
Her: Lol?
Me: Idk it was just very different. All the voices were wrong. My teeth are fashionable in Japan.
Her: huh
Me: In Japan girls pay money to have their teeth overcrowded and shaped like mine.
Her: Oh...

If I had a fancy iPhone I'd screenshot it for you...but I don't so you're gonna have to trust me.

I'm not going to be able to leave the house. Between the rambling, incoherent sentences and the spaced out look in my eyes, people are going to think I'm a junkie.

**UPDATE** I am so fucking itchy. You know how a dog drags its ass across the carpet when it has worms? That's what I want to do with my head. My misery is comparable to a dog with worms.

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