Wednesday, October 12, 2011

From End Zone to Friend Zone

Everyone has heard of the friend zone, but if you're a dumbass who has literally never been outside or had friends, I'll explain.
Or take a screenshot from Urban Dictionary. Same thing
Ross and Rachael defined the term "friend zone." "Just Friends" with Amy Smart and Ryan Reynolds was all about how he was stuck in the friend zone. J.D checked into the friends zone hospital with Elliot. Its all over tv and movies, but does it actually happen in real life?

You bet your clueless ass it does. In most cases, the guy is the one who follows his hot BFF around like a puppy while she changes clothes in front of him, dates lots of guys, tells him about every person she's ever fucked, and how her current boyfriend is a dick. He supports her and tries to tell her how to make her relationship work, disregarding his own feelings for the woman he cares about. He is the nice guy that always finishes last. 

I've put people in the friend zone, and I recently found out, its a shitty place to be.  

Last week, I was put in the friend zone. I know, blows your fucking mind right? Who wouldn't want my amazing self?! 

I have a friend that I like a lot. He is gorgeous, funny as hell, smart and pretty much a nice guy. He is certainly not perfect, but hey, I like him. He has been going through a lot, and I'm there for him. When he found out his ex cheated on him, he called and told me about it. When he was involved in an accident, he came to my house after he left the hospital. When his most current girlfriend dumped him, I was the first person he called.

I suspected it last week, but it was confirmed the other tonight. He called me after his girlfriend dumped him on the side of the street and made him walk with dog piss covered pants. I didn't pick him up. In fact, I was kinda glad it happened. Serves him right for dating a scandalous, gold digging ho instead of me. I didn't tell him I was happy she dumped him, because I could hear how upset he was. He needed someone to talk to, and he wanted sympathy. 

I gave it to him. I told him I'd beat her ass for him. I won't really do it, but thats what he wants to hear. He needs a friend, and a good friend tells him, "Dude, she's a deceitful slutbag who just used you to get what she wanted." He needs a friend who understands feelings. He needs a friend who is a girl...and I'm that friend. 

I'm the one who has been woken up at 7am, on my day off, twice this week because he "needed someone to talk to." I'm the one he called to pick him up because he had been drinking and couldn't drive. I'm the one he was crying on the phone to because he is "tired of getting hurt." Yep...I'm so far in the friend zone, I've nearly reached BFF status.

The friend zone fucking sucks. Not only do I have to see the guy that I like hurting because some ugly chick that he made a lot of sacrifices for hurt him, but I have to deal with the fact that she probably ruined any chance I'd ever had of being in a relationship with him. Now I know how those guys felt when I did it to them...oops.

I don't take rejection well. I'm not programmed  that way. Even though I listen intently and comfort him when he needs it, rest assured I am making it known that I am nothing like the previous girls he has dated. I say things like, "You need a girl who doesn't expect you to buy her anything. You need a girl who will listen when you call and wake her up at 7am. You need a girl who isn't full of high school drama. You need a girl who can hang out with your friends and not be a whore." I may be compassionate and seem selfless, but I'm not going down without a stealthy fight.

He knows I'm the girl he needs, but for now, I'm stuck in the friend zone**...and it fucking sucks.

image via Google images 
Guys, how do you feel about the friend zone? Girls, have you ever been put in the friend zone?

**If at all possible, I will never use this phrase again. I now hate the word "zone." It sounds ugly. 


  1. I totally understand what you mean. I've been in the friend zone 24/7 365 for awhile. To me it's kind of like the equivalent of being "on the hook." I don't know if you've ever seen How I Met Your Mother, but they talk about it through an entire episode. It's all about how they say, "we just can't be together... right now." It's just enough to keep you hanging on, but really you just have to say no it won't happen at all. Get yourself out of it, and you'll be better off.

  2. I gotta say, even at my old age, that only YOU can put yourself in the friend zone. You keep hoping and being there and you just know he'll wise up and realize how wonderful you are. Screw that. He made his bed, let him lie in it. When he realizes how wonderful you are; without mentioning anyone else and focusing on you, then he may speak to you. Trust me on this.

  3. @Anonymous I love that show and I love you for mentioning it...Who are you??

  4. @ Roses regarding Anonymous: an old friend who has been wanting to reconnect with you for awhile, but has been afraid you wouldn't respond.